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Death as ASMR: Or, Sleeping Through Mournful Horror
The other day I saw a weird as shit horror movie called “Messiah of Evil,” made in the early seventies. It was released multiple times, under multiple different titles, one of which was “Return of the Living Dead.” This of course caused the Godfather of the Zombie genre George A. Romero to initiate a lawsuit against the movie as released under that title. Sidenote: Did you know that Romero and cowriter of the “Night of the Living Dead” screenplay John Russo fought over ownership of the property? This resulted in the weird decision to let Russo keep the “living” portion while Romero was left only to work with the “dead” in his movies. This is why the sequel to “Night of the Living Dead” is called “Dawn of the Dead,” rather than “Dawn of the Living Dead.” It’s also why Russo, when he made his own solo contribution, got to call it “Return of the Living Dead.” There’s some irony there for you: Romero defended his work’s name only to lose it to his friend and cowriter. That’s all inside baseball, though. The movie “Messiah of Evil” deserves to be considered on its own terms, and under its own title. It begins with a young woman coming to Southern California to visit her father, a famous artist. He is something of a recluse, who lives in a large seaside mansion in a town called Point Dune. The fictional town is obviously a stand-in for the very real “Point Dume,” famed as the place where author John Fante resided and wasted his talent writing screen treatments that rarely got produced. The lady’s father has apparently gone missing from his mansion, leaving behind only a journal in which he records the slow dissipation of his mind, body, and soul. Meanwhile, strange things are going on in-town, some of them cliché horror tropes, some of them less-so. In the cliché column, we have a drunken bum who warns all and sundry that evil is afoot. In the not-very-clichéd column, there is a strange cross-eyed albino who drives his truck through town, ferrying around dead bodies in the flatbed. He also likes to eat rats and has taken an interest in the bizarre rituals some of the moon worshippers perform at the oceanside. Supposedly the people gathered by the sea at night to pray by torchlight are wedding celebrants, but it is clear that this is no ordinary exchange of nuptials. I figured they were trying to dredge the dread tentacled Yoth-Sothoth or maybe eldritch Cthulhu himself from the depths, but apparently not. Instead, they are trying to bring back the ghost of a cowpoke who, during his own stab westward, suffered hunger pangs until forced to engage in cannibalism. After first eating human flesh merely to survive, he began to acquire a taste for it, and the locals became disgusted by his taboo-breaking behavior and burnt him as a warlock. Oh, and there are also a bunch of well-dressed, pallid zombified folk who hang around the local grocery store afterhours. What are they doing at Ralph’s past midnight, you ask? Why, they’re simply there to eat raw meat directly from the freezer case. Unless of course, some nosy interloper shows up, in which case they’ll leave the cold flesh in pursuit of warm meat… It isn’t just the strangeness of this film that stuck with me, though it obviously made an impression. How, after all, could it not? Instead it was something about its melancholy tone, the mournful undercurrent running through the thing. There’s not much suspense, since it’s pretty clear the curse is well-advanced even at film’s beginning. And, as to the mystery, it’s also evident early in the first act that the things that don’t make much sense then are going to make less rather than more sense as things go on. Like in a bad dream where every attempt to find logic on the part of the dreamer causes the thing to change shape and grow more amorphous, less readable. That’s okay, though, as sometimes I prefer the mystery to abide rather than getting neatly wrapped up. And the sense of doom and inevitability of death—threaded through the warp and weft of the work’s cloth—eventually becomes weirdly comforting, almost like a much-needed sleep… “Messiah of Evil” belongs to a subgenre of horror film that, for lack of a better term, I’ll call the melancholy macabre. Other entries I’d add to the list would be “I Bury the Living,” the original “I Am Legend,” and “Carnival of Souls.” These are movies that deal with solitary people suffering through strange and probably hopeless circumstances, trying to reckon with forces too powerful to defeat. Sometimes these forces are too powerful to even understand, incorporeal and thus impossible to even fight. And yet, despite how these films might sound when given in thumbnail synopses, there is something comforting about them. Something about the disjunction between what they seem to offer and the feelings they actually induce. At least for me. And yes, I enjoy falling asleep to all of them. I keep asking myself why that might be, and the best I can come up with is this: Sleep might not be Shakespeare’s “petit mort,” (that’s something else.) But for me, the end of the day (or sometimes the middle of the day if I suffered insomnia the previous night) is a time to succumb. Embrace rather than run from that inevitable defeat that’s awaiting us all, and even to find it exquisite rather than agonizing. “Sleep,” as the rapper Nas observed, “is the cousin of death.” Granted there might be something on the other side of this defeat and death, a spiritual victory occluded by the seeming failure as viewed from this side of things. It’s also possible something even worse than this life is awaiting us on the other side, punishment at the hands of some Lovecraftian or Ligottian (sic?) god who rules the netherworld and has contempt for all us soft bundles of nerves and neurotic consciousness. I get the feeling, though, that like most of us grasping toward meaning—religion, transcendence, transhumanism—that there’s probably just nothing. A void beyond all blackness… Consciousness itself torments the characters in these movies, not just its imminence via zombies or vampires or curses. It’s something more inescapable than that, immanent in the fabric of the worlds they inhabit. As far as we know we’re the only creatures cursed to be conscious, every moment knowing at some level that we are going to die and there’s nothing we can do about it. At best we can delay it. That’s sad and eerie, but in the same way that moonlight hitting a moss-covered grave can be sad and eerie. There’s an undercurrent of the exquisitely gothic tied up in the reality of the human condition and this handful of low budget weird movies reflects that feeling. A mournful pull toward sleep (both temporal and eternal). A fate usually worth fighting and railing against (even though it does no good), but sometimes also one worth feting, falling into like a much-needed sleep.
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To Try or Not To Try? A Writer’s Dilemma There’s a quote from the writer Charles Bukowski. Lots of people dislike Bukowski for lots of different reasons, but that’s okay, because tonight we’re just considering one quote from him without context: It comes from one of his final works, a slim volume with the wonderfully prolix title of “The Captain is Out to Lunch and the Sailors Have Taken Over the Ship.” In the book, he reassesses several writers who had a great influence on him when he was younger: Ernest Hemingway, Carson McCullers, Sherwood Anderson. Anderson, with his deceptively simple style, seemed to have aged the best, while Hemingway with his lean and much more striking simplicity suffered greatly upon reassessment. “Hemingway tried too hard,” Bukowski claimed. “You could feel the hard work in his writing.” Naturally some would consider criticizing someone for trying their hardest to be an unfair and maybe even ridiculous line of attack. Aren’t you supposed to try, do what you can, summon as much light as you can against the gathering and inevitable darkness? We know we’re fallible and weak and mortal and that both we and our works will eventually perish from this Earth. But to succumb to that realization prematurely, to surrender and not even try, isn’t that tantamount to sin, even for the areligious? “Do not go gently into that good night,” Dylan Thomas urges in his wonderful villanelle of the same name. “Be angry at the sun,” poet Robinson Jeffers likewise counsels. Clearly, being angry at the sun is not going to make the sun budge an inch or cool off a single degree, but that’s sort of the point. Humans are uniquely conscious (probably) and this consciousness can either work as a paralyzing hindrance or a great motivating engine. You either fight or succumb, so why not fight as long as you can as hard as you can? Hemingway used to call stepping to the blank page “facing the white bull,” and facing down an angry bull is not the kind of thing one can do in a half-assed way. What, though, is the alternative to trying too hard? Not trying at all? Someone committed to such a worldview would never bother writing anything in the first place, or at least writing anything more than some chicken scratch on a cocktail napkin at happy hour. I suppose one could sit lax before their typewriter, crack their knuckles, shrug their shoulders, and just let it all flow out. There are certainly writers who had this kind of freewheeling approach to the craft. Think of Jack Kerouac’s improvisational, jazz-inspired staccato punching of the keys of his Underwood. I’ve never seen footage of him typing, only still photos of him hunkered over the machine and brooding, with a lit cigarette dangling from his sulking lips. I imagine, though, that if he were viewed in video or in person we would see him tapping his leg like a drummer working the kick while his fingers strayed o’er the keys like Gene Krupa doing rimshots. It's certainly the feel invoked by On the Road, which was produced on one long and interrupted typewritten scroll, and reads like it. Bukowski hated Kerouac’s writing, which is a little ironic, considering his own aesthetic philosophy—at least as it applies to work rate—isn’t much different than Kerouac’s. He wrote his first novel, “Post Office,” in roughly two weeks; it’s a ragged and uneven work, but undeniably entertaining. So far as I know Truman Capote never publicly opined on Charles Bukowski, and likely wouldn’t have had anything good to say about him or his writing, anyway. He did, however, give his assessment of On the Road, opining, “That’s not writing, that’s typing.” His point, it seems, is that the unmediated nature of the writing, the lack of deliberation and consideration (as if crafting words were making moves in chess) ruined the work. Kerouac had failed to try hard enough, at least in Capote’s estimation. Maybe then, there’s some kind of golden mean, a synthesis between the thesis of hard work and the antithesis of basically automatic writing, treating a keyboard like an Ouija planchette. This debate—to try or just let it happen—is hardly confined to the world of the writer. The boxer Oscar De La Hoya, like many pugilists, became obsessed with golf at some point in his career. Initially he did it just to relax, as a hobby to distract him from the serious work of making men bleed. Eventually, though, he discovered that this seemingly innocuous hobby was altering his view of boxing. He claimed golf taught him not to push so hard, not to try or to force it in the ring. That when he attempted to bash the ball, it usually shanked, or he even whiffed, and that there was a corollary “trying too hard” in the ring that was best avoided. “Don’t force the knockout,” the old heads say to the young impetuous pugilists. “Trust the process and the knockout will come.” “Stay loose and only clench the fist directly before impact on the opponent’s body or face.” De La Hoya had no doubt heard all this before, but didn’t really process it until he got onto the green. Probably until it came time to stop driving and start putting, a part of the game where trying too hard can quickly take you from birdie to bogey. Ultimately, every writer must decide for themselves how hard to try, or how light or heavy a touch to give it. And since we are talking about an art and not a science here, there is probably no right answer. Not only that, but a writer who tries very hard at one point might adopt the lighter touch later in their career. One might even change tact from paragraph to paragraph, the same way a scalpel is better suited to some tasks while a chainsaw gets the job done better with other work. For me, the main effort does not come when I’m actually writing, engaging with the word as I’m doing right now. It is fighting through the free-floating fear, the anxiety and paralysis that come from procrastinating, thinking about writing rather than doing it. Walking around my house, letting the thoughts of imposter syndrome crowd out my ideas, letting fear curdle into self-loathing. Letting my insecurities basically gnaw away at my creative impulse until the writing muscle goes slack and my fear of failure becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. And I fail before I even get a chance to try, hard or otherwise. Once seated, the battle is nine-tenths won or lost, but at least it has been joined. Or, to paraphrase Stanley Kubrick quoting fellow cinema titan Steven Spielberg: “The hardest part of directing a film is getting out of the car.” The Lynch-Cronenberg Continuum: The Subconscious and the Scientist I once had dreams of being a filmmaker, back when I was a teenager. These ambitions were probably fueled in part by where I was living then, and what was going on there at the time. I was in Memphis, in an apartment around Cooper-Young, one of those funky “transitional” neighborhoods popular with college kids and what used to be called hipsters. In the neighborhood was a video store called Black Lodge, located in an old white house on a gently sloping hill. The store’s sections were divided by director rather than genre (very auteur-ish) and the staff were certified film buffs. I remember there was a red velour couch in the center of the store, facing a TV on a stand usually playing something black and white. One of the guys who hung around there named Craig had just made his own very low budget movie on digital that was doing the rounds of the local circuit. Craig turned out to be Craig Brewer, who would go on to direct the very Memphian hit film Hustle & Flow. Sadly, Black Lodge was a casualty of Covid, though my dreams of becoming a filmmaker ended well before they closed their doors. At some point I realized I was frankly too socially withdrawn to engage in a collaborative art like filmmaking. I had enough trouble just communicating my ideas from my fingertips to the keyboard, forget other people. Back when I had that cinematic ambition, though, I read a bunch of books on the subject. Some of them were helpful, some less so. One series I found fascinating were Faber & Faber’s series of interviews with various directors: Scorsese on Scorsese, Lee on Lee, etc. In the books the filmmakers would talk about their philosophies, their training, the complications and the joys of filmmaking. As with any creative endeavor the complications seemed to outnumber the joys, but the joys were what kept them coming back again and again. Two of my favorite books in the series were Lynch on Lynch and Cronenberg on Cronenberg. For those not big into movies who can’t guess from the titles, the first book dealt with surrealist master David Lynch, the latter with body horror maestro David Cronenberg. The men’s oeuvres are both completely original—sui generis in a way, despite their stated influences—and both have stood the test of time. The one thing they have in common (or had, since Lynch is sadly no longer with us) was an unwavering and uncompromising vision. You could probably tease out some other similarities but the differences are more numerous and starker: David Lynch presents Francis Bacon-like tableaux onscreen, using music and light and off-kilter performances to evoke the muddled logic of a bad dream. Then, at strange and unpredictable moments, light breaks through, letting us see the darkness in a new context. He is interested in fabrics and surfaces, music and images that feel like non sequiturs impinging on our quotidian realm from a much stranger and deeper one. David Cronenberg’s approach is more conscious and analytical, more that of a vivisector than a magician. He is interested in bodily decay and the vestiges of the reptilian lurking beneath our mammalian facades. Like with William Burroughs (whose “Naked Lunch” he adapted for the screen) there is a piercing intelligence intent on stripping layers away to arrive at a terrible core truth. That intelligence interrogates itself as mercilessly or more mercilessly than those around it. Like Burroughs, Cronenberg seems to believe there is a force at work in every man not working to his advantage, and he wants to root it out. But since this isn’t Scorsese, we’re not talking so much about catharsis as the excision of a cancer. Both men were aware of their different approaches. Lynch hated interviews—comparing them once to a firing squad which you somehow survive. He also didn’t like to talk about his projects in any kind of detail. Not the ones he had done, because he wanted them to speak for themselves and allow audiences to arrive at their own individual interpretations of his work. Nor the ones he was working on, since, like Norman Mailer, he feared “letting the air out of the tires.” Probing too deeply into his intentions was to potentially spoil whatever was there, operating behind the curtain. Cronenberg spoke of this tendency—not specifically as it applied to Lynch, but in general. He acknowledged that it worked for some people, but that he wasn’t one of them. He was more like Kubrick in that he constantly examined his intentions, before, during, and even after the process. “Why am I doing this?” “What is the significance of making this choice rather than that one?” “What is my unconscious trying to tell me and how can I make that a more prominent and conscious part of my filmmaking?” He could no more go in relying on intuition and instinct than could a surgeon with his scalpel, or a chemist playing with highly reactive substances. I’m sure that anyone reading this has their own preference: either to work from the unconscious without tampering with it or coax the meaning from the depths of the sleeping mind and to examine it under the brights before going forward. There are no doubt strengths and weaknesses to each approach, and the final call on how much to think about the meaning of what one’s doing is each artist’s own call to make. And there’s no law that says you must stick with one method or the other throughout your entire career. One day you might wake up knowing every beat in a story that came to mind, knowing also its thematic significance. Then you might wake up the next day and put a pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) with a completely blank mind, writing automatically so that it’s almost like pushing a possessed Ouija planchette. My own style seems to be a blend of both approaches, although I’ve found that as I get older I do tend to think more about what I’m doing (and why) before actually doing it. This is especially true with the novel, if only because it requires such an investment of time and energy. I feel far more fallible these days than I did in my twenties, and I know my time is limited and that I can’t afford to waste it. Still, I do hold to the idea of not talking (too much) about a project while it’s in progress, but that seems to be more a matter of superstition than aesthetic choice. I can analyze it, but only alone and throughout the day. I talk to myself in the voices of the various characters while in the shower, or while walking the dogs. When out in public doing it, I make sure to mutter under my breath, and barely move my jaws like a ventriloquist. After all, I don’t want to be taken for a crazy man, just a mild eccentric. I suppose, then, that there is no ultimate answer to which approach is better—letting the unconscious power the work or dredging that submerged impulse and harnessing its power consciously. Instead, there is only a matter of preference and the circumstances surrounding the project in question. No surprise there, since art is not a science. Unless you take the clinically Cronenbergian approach, in which case sometimes art very much is. Here we are then, back to square one, the Lynch-Cronenberg Continuum now turned Conundrum. My Angora Has a First Name: Or, How the Writing Gets Weird, and Weirdly Sexual I used to be really obsessed with the filmmaker Ed Wood, officially Edward D. Wood Junior. Most people who know about him probably know about him mostly thanks to the feature biopic film, Ed Wood, directed by Tim Burton. They also know (or think they know) that he is the worst director of all time. Understand, it’s not that Plan Nine from Outer Space is the worst film ever made (I can think of a dozen worse movies off the top of my head.) Rather, it’s that the disjunction between Ed’s heartfelt ambition and what he actually put up on the screen is so wide. In his screenplays, he wrote things with utter sincerity, pouring his heart out, and yet the results, when uttered by actors, were completely ridiculous. His films are lead balloons, burdened by protracted soliloquys on man’s violent nature, his refusal to accept people as they are, and the danger of narrowmindedness. And yet there tends to be some weird joy in the laughter of people who set out to watch his films with the sole intention of mocking them. Why? Everyone who cares about answering that question (not too many of us) no doubt has their own theory, and mine goes back to something said by author George Saunders. He claimed that, while fiction had to make sense on a line by line basis, poetry was more about the inadequacy of words to express those things we wish to express. Sure, the poet utilizes words, but in the best poetry the desire to express something outruns the ability of words to express the feeling the poet desires to convey. The disjunction, then, between what Ed Wood wanted to do versus what he could do becomes its own kind of crazy poetry. Had he been merely a competent journeyman, we likely would have forgotten his films by now. Had he failed but less spectacularly, his movies likewise would probably be destined for permanent obscurity. But, like a madman sinking his fortune into a doomed venture, there is something romantic, even monumental about Ed’s failure. It is—in its own wild and paradoxical way—better than a success. Something even his detractors also readily admitted was that Wood was an auteur. His stylistic thumbprint was distinct, or, as one critic said, "You'll never mistake a bad Ed Wood film for a bad film by someone else.” One of the things that make Wood’s oeuvre stand out is how prominent a role his own sexuality plays in his pictures. His contemporaries like Hitchcock or Lang might have included veiled or symbolic references to everything from intercourse to masturbation in their works. But there was no such veiling or subtle innuendo employed by Wood. Instead, he favored a different tact: addressing his sexuality head-on, despite his fetish—transvestism—still being incredibly taboo in the 1950s, outside of a kind of vaudevillian mockery of the kink. Some might credit Wood with being brave. And while that might partially be true, I think narrator Gary Owens hit closer to the ultimate truth in the documentary, “A Look Back in Angora,” in which he claimed that Ed’s sexuality “bubbled up” in his work in the unlikeliest of places. Or, in other words, Ed had no choice. His truth betrayed him, manifested whether he wanted it to or not. I sympathize with Wood in many respects, regarding myself as an earnest but failed artist whose best hope is to wait perhaps for some posthumous reassessment. Even if, as in the case with Wood, said reception is laced with irony and all the superlatives heaped on me involve variations on “The worst…” I also sympathize, more specifically, with Ed’s inability to control revealing certain things about himself in his work. It’s a compulsion I share, one that—like the narrator’s in “The Telltale Heart”—can do me very little good and much harm. No, I don’t risk imprisonment, but I do risk severe embarrassment, and since the words live on forever (in print and online) that embarrassment can always return to haunt me. Looking back over my own body of work, there are multiple instances of me sharing too much information about myself and sexuality. My own sexual weirdness “bubbled up,” especially in my book “Veterans’ Affairs.” Maybe if the narrator of that novel were not such an obvious alter-ego for yours truly, it might not be embarrassing to recall all the stuff I confessed about myself: interest in femdom, “queening” (look it up), my various crushes which were ongoing at the time, my desire to be dominated by a woman, weird residual oedipal desires that make me look like a less violent but still hopelessly pervy Frank Booth. Some of these fantasies were so elaborate in their staging and orchestration that many of them could be spun out into their own novel-length works, had I any interest anymore in writing “erotica.” All of this weirdness could have been easily forgiven if it had been relevant to the story, if it had added anything besides extraneous and bizarre details to the narrative. But the exact opposite is probably the case. The weird sex stuff, when introduced, tended to disrupt the narrative flow, “spoil it” as one reader complained about the erotic elements in another of my works. I never considered that while writing, though, simply because I couldn’t consider it, as I hope I’ve impressed upon you by now. I remember getting personalized editorial notes back from a slush pile reader at a publisher who had given the MS of “Veterans Affairs” to his boss for review. This pair of eyes must have liked the MS enough to pass it on, but his superior, while intrigued by parts, concurred with that reader who thought I tended to “spoil” my own best work with the sexuality that kept bubbling up. The bossman’s notes claimed he had enjoyed the novel, but found all the gratuitous references by the protagonist to his sexual fantasies unnecessary. In his words, “it got old quick” and derailed the narrative. I knew then and know now that he was right. And yet I couldn’t change a word, and instead went with a much smaller publisher who cared less about such things. Even weirder (and more cringeworthy at this great remove) is that I was actually proud of my “accomplishment” with “Veterans’ Affairs” at one time. I was still in college when it came out, in a graduate program that had nothing to do with literature (subversive or otherwise.) And, like a dumbass, I gave copies of the book to other people in the program, fellow-students about whom I knew very little. Students who would now know the thoughts and feelings hidden locked away in the innermost recesses of my mind. Imagine writing your darkest and strangest thoughts in a diary, and then having that diary published, and available for perusal by your coworkers. Now imagine being crazy or stupid enough not to care, or even worse, to feel a sense of pride. Such cluelessness reminds me a bit of that scene in Taxi Driver, in which Travis Bickle takes the Cybil Shepherd character on a date to a porn movie. And then has the gall to be confused by her storming out of the theater in a disconcerted huff. I even gave a copy of Veterans’ Affairs to an instructor about whom I wrote explicit sexual fantasies in said-book, without considering the implications. She must not have minded, though, as we continued meeting and being on friendly terms after that. Or perhaps she did mind and was too polite to mention it. Or (and this is probably the most likely scenario), she put the book I gave her on a shelf and never bothered to read it; I certainly hope that’s the case. What hell was I even thinking, though, by not only publishing that book, but giving it to people I barely knew? I wish I could track down every copy of “Veterans’ Affairs” still floating around out there, heap them all onto a giant pyre, douse it with lighter fluid, toss a match and watch it burn. Maybe that sounds a little harsh, but it’s how I feel sometimes about that early work, in which I most definitely shared far too much. As to why I tend to be less confessional in my work now than back then, who knows? I could offer some suppositions, like that I’ve gotten it out of my system, or that a decade has passed and that, having entered middle age, I’m less ruled by my raging libido. Both of which statements are true, but neither of which, considered alone or together, quite explain the disappearance of the embarrassing personal stuff from my writing. And besides, who’s to say I don’t eventually go back to “oversharing,” say, when I reach my early seventies? After all, the concept of the “dirty old man” didn’t appear from nowhere. Let’s just hope that if it comes to that, that next time the sex at least is integral to the plot. And is not so informed by my personal kinks. The Well at Morning, the Fountain at Twilight: Or Why Even the Unemployed Might Soon Lose Their Livelihoods There’s a new book I’ve been meaning to read called “AI Snakeoil,” whose central argument you can probably guess without needing the subtitle. Here that is, anyway, though: “What Artificial Intelligence Can Do, Can’t Do, and How to Tell the Difference.” Its authors, Arvin Narayanan and Sayash Kapoor, aren’t the first to recognize that the “rise of the machines” narrative may have been oversold. There was a brilliant and accessible philosopher named Hubert Dreyfus who made the same arguments in various books, one of which I read, called “Mind Over Machine.” Sidenote: Dreyfus served as the partial inspiration for Professor Hubert Farnsworth on Matt Groening’s “Futurama.” If you’re not familiar with the show, Farnsworth’s the bald, bespectacled man whose overbite marks him as one of Groening’s creations. In his book, Dreyfus cites various reasons for his argument that consciousness, reasoning, and abstraction are different from the calculative processes of even the most “intelligent” AI. His arguments are fascinating and well-argued, but, having said that, one must always leave room for doubt. And those in my field—translation—have lots of reasons to feel insecure about their futures. Hell, there’s good reason to worry right now. Most of the job offers out there are to train software which, once trained to sufficiency, will replace those who trained it. Still, there may be hope, as translation is as much art as science, especially when dealing with literature. I have no doubt that AI can already match or even best me when it comes to translating legal documents or directions in a manual on how to assemble furniture. But literature seems more something spawned of the alchemy of our 100 trillion plus synapses than something readily produced by algorithm. Poetry even moreso relies on an abstraction that manages to even stymie the majority of human beings. Most people don’t read it, even most writers. For instance, when I asked a buddy of mine who writes potboilers his opinion of poetry, he threw up his hands and shouted, “It’s bullshit! Just say what you mean!” Of course, that’s impossible because—to paraphrase George Saunders from his masterful “A Swim in the Pond in the Rain”— “Poetry is the need to say something outrunning our ability to do so.” While Bukowski’s not everyone’s cup of tea, I’ve always loved this final line from one of his poems that sort of underlines what I’m talking about: “All sadness grinning into flow.” What exactly does it mean? Hard to say and open to interpretation, but it seems to express how sadness and joy merge with each other and double back on themselves, intertwine to give us the bittersweet. In five words it says something (at least to me) otherwise unutterable. There was a sample exchange of dialogue that Dreyfus used in his book that stymied the best AI of his time at MIT. It went something like this: WOMAN: I WANT A DIVORCE. MAN: WHO IS HE? Notice that the part that your mind automatically inferred was supplied without your really straining toward it. AI—at least back then—could not find this missing piece, and didn’t understand this exchange pertained to infidelity without mentioning it. Naturally someone could program it to do so—and probably did to fix that loophole after Dreyfus pointed it out. But there is a difference between trying to train AI to think in this sense and teaching it when to use “en passant” in a game of chess. Chess, despite how inscrutable it appears to the neophyte, is mostly a matter of memorization. There’s a ton of variety that produced by those 204 squares, but it’s nothing compared to what is possible with the roughly 20,000 word vocabulary of your average person. Returning to poetry, let’s perform a small experiment. I will take a stanza from my favorite poet, Georg Trakl and translate it from German to English on my own. I will then take that same stanza, in German, and place it in Google Translate to see what the machine makes of it. I’m aware that there are far superior methods of machine translation (and no doubt more coming) but this will work for our modest purposes here. Additionally, I will include a third professional translation from German to English of the stanza. This will allow us to compare not only human to machine, but human to human, and two different humans to machine. Lastly, before getting started, I should point out that Trakl’s poems, while compact and concise, are incredibly difficult to translate. I chose Trakl’s work in college on the misbegotten assumption that because his works were shorter they would be easier. It turns out that the opposite in fact is true. Shorter works offer fewer guideposts for the translator, and guard their untranslatable secrets well. A long poem is to the translator like a slower, bigger bird to the quail hunter. It is an easier target, especially if it has a refrain that helps one establish a rhythm. Trakl’s poems are paratactical, staccato. They pop up, fly for a short time, then go to ground before you can even draw a bead on them. This, however, makes Trakl ideal for this assignment. If ever a poet existed to trick a machine as well as the unwary meatbag / moist robot, it was him. Let’s get started. Here is a stanza of Trakl’s, untranslated. Die Junge Magd: Oft am Brunnen, wenn es dämmert, Sieht man sie verzaubert stehen Wasser schöpfen, wenn es dämmert. Eimer auf und niedergehen. Here now is my translation of that stanza. The Young Maiden: Often at the fountain, whenever it’s twilight, One sees her standing enchanted, Ladling water in the twilight, The buckets going up and down. “Dämmern” is one of those curious verbs in German, and by curious I mean confusing. “Dämmern” can mean for morning to dawn but also for night to fall. Ricard Wagner’s “Gotterdammerung” has been literally translated as “Twilight of the Gods,” but refers to “Ragnarök” the great end times event in Norse mythology. Why then, did I choose “twilight” instead of “dawn,” here? There was no antecedent which would lead me to go one way or the other. Then again, night tends to play a much larger part in Trakl’s poetry than daylight, and this ain’t my first rodeo. He is, as the Deutsch say, a bit of a “Nachtschwärmer.” Moving on, here is the other human contribution, put up here merely for educative purposes, with full credit to Daniele Pantano. The Young Maiden: Often by the well at dusk, You see her standing spellbound Drawing water at dusk. Buckets plunge up and down. Here’s why Pantano gets the big bucks while I’m writing this on my blog at 2 am on a Monday morning. He preserves the rhymes from German to English, which is not always an easy task. Granted, he probably made more than one pass on his version, but it’s superior to mine at least in that regard. He also selects the word “dusk” as opposed to “twilight” for whatever reason. Do the words have different connotations? I guess they do if they do for you. For me, though, the words produce similar images. I will say there are some things I prefer about my version to the official one. Pantano’s choice of “spellbound” makes this nameless maiden seem more hypnotized than magical. “Enchanted” leaves her some agency no matter what kind of spell she’s working under; in fact “enchanted” suggests that she possesses her own store of magic, rather than being yoked under someone else’s spell. The “bound” in “spellbound” makes the thralldom/shackling explicit. Now, though, comes the scary part, as thus far we have only compared apples to apples, while now we compare apples to a silicon simulacrum of a shiny red Macintosh. Yes, without further ado, here is the machine translation. Copying and pasting this stanza in the Google Translate box, I can’t help but feeling a little afraid. Will poor Daniele Pantano end up sleeping under a bridge, having been usurped by the poetic equivalent of Deep Blue, the machine that spanked Grandmaster Garry Kasparov in chess? Let’s find out. The Young Maid: Often at the well, when it's twilight, One sees her standing enchanted Drawing water when it's twilight. Pails going up and down. It’s curious that the machine chose “twilight” much as I had. It failed to preserve the rhyme between “bound” and “down” in the B and D lines, as well. Like Herr Pantano, the machine likes the verb “drawing,” while I’m somehow more comfortable with “ladling.” Why, you ask? I don’t need a reason, but if pressed for one, I would say that ladling has homier connotations. It is more gemütlich, as the Germans say, conjuring images of food, steaming soup scooped from a cauldron and splashed into wooden bowls for hungry children. It’s not just that, though. “Drawing” has the feel of utility about it. In the translation by the other human and the computer, the maiden’s at the well for prosaic reasons. She needs water (duh.) In mine, she’s idly killing time at a fountain, perhaps admiring her reflection as the bucket disturbs the water to send out rippling waves in mirrored shimmers. You see, of course, another reason why I’m not a pro, why I’m maybe the one who deserves to be sitting under a bridge with a little cardboard sign... The most important difference between my translation and those of the woman and the machine was staring me in the face from the very first line. I had my maiden at a fountain, while theirs were at wells. How did I not lead with that obvious divergence between my version and theirs? Especially since the word “enchanted,” so close to “fountain,” would immediately suggest fairytale connotations, perhaps even hinting at the Fountain of Youth. I’ll chalk it up to tiredness, though I’m sure you can supply less charitable speculations as to my negligence, oh notional and likely nonexistent reader. Growing Stories on the Book Tree: Or Why Sometimes it Pays to “Do Nothing” Everyone has their favorite writing manual, the one they found most useful (probably when starting out.) My own personal favorite is Damon Knight’s “Creating Short Fiction.” Knight’s manual is full of the kind of detailed advice that can save a writer years off their apprenticeship. There’s something Knight said in the book that’s always stuck with me, and it looms larger in my mind the more time passes. He describes a moment in an L. Frank Baum book, maybe even “The Wizard of Oz.” In the scene in question a young Dorothy is wandering through the woods and comes upon a tree with books dangling from its branches, blooming like fruits. Intrigued, Dorothy approaches the tree and plucks one of the books from a branch. She opens it up and begins reading. The story ends up being a page turner, and Dorothy is enjoying herself, until suddenly the story stops, mid-page. Frustrated, Dorothy begins thumbing through the rest of the pages, only to find them blank as well. She looks to the tree—maybe it has the same long face as the one in the film—and asks it what gives. The tree, bemused, tells Dorothy, “You picked the story before it was ripe.” Knight’s point, at least as I see it, is that it is sometimes not enough to just write a story. You have to live with it before writing it, think about it from several angles. Let the cliched outcomes play themselves out in your mind rather than on the page. Seek the faults in the story’s construction that might exist even before Word One gets written. “Nothing is ever absolutely so,” though, as Theodore Sturgeon said, and sometimes it’s better to sit before the blank screen and just start typing without a plan. Improvisation and even a Ouija board-esque form of “automatic writing” probably have their places as weapons in the writer’s arsenal. Hell, slicing up one’s already-written sentences and rearranging them to find deeper meanings, a la William Burroughs’ “cutup technique” might yield interesting results as well. Still, there is something in Knight’s anecdote that appeals to me, the idea of treating a story like a bank robbery. Driving around the place a few times, casing the joint, thinking of what could go wrong in advance so that it doesn’t go wrong on the big day. I realize I switched from the metaphor of growing fruit to robbing banks, but you’ll have to forgive me. I like the idea of robbing a bank more. Me personally: I’d rather write one great story a year (or in a lifetime) than a thousand decent ones in the same time span. Of course, time is an unaffordable luxury for many, and the traditional pulp writer has always been more concerned with paying the rent than “growing” the perfect story. And some artists actually work better with deadlines than when left to their own timetables. The quest for perfection can become its own trap, an excuse to procrastinate indefinitely. A lot of this debate is academic at this point though. For while the exigencies that drove writers in the past to write fast still exist—baby still needs a new pair of shoes—those markets have mostly dried up. Everything from the eBook to the ease of self-publishing and the rise of the internet has involved a lot of “creative destruction.” Go back to the twenties and thirties and you will discover a profusion of pulp magazines that paid semi and even professional rates to authors. They were sold at newsstands all over the country, at carousels in pharmacies and at counters in tobacco shops. It was normal for everyone from workmen on construction sites to bellboys at fleapit hotels to keep a magazine handy for breaktimes. TVs were rare in houses, the personal computer barely a reality even in science fiction. The short story writer had far more opportunities to sell their work and far less competition from other media. Even after these markets dried up, they were replaced by others that helped to sustain many a pulp craftsman through the lean times. Some of these magazines—“Gent” or “Cavalier”—were only a step up from Vonnegut’s fictional “Wide Open Beaver”—but they still paid better than almost anything else today. I make this detour into the golden past not to bemoan our own age, but instead to make another point. And that is that while the dearth of pro paying outlets today will hurt the pockets, it also is likely to improve the quality of what gets published for pay. The winnowing process—both in the selection process by the publisher, and in what the writer is willing to send out—becomes more fierce. It’s a simple matter of supply and demand, applied to the real estate that exists between the covers of a magazine, slick or matte. It might have made sense to grind out five stories a week about a ray-gun bearing spaceman when “Argosy” and “Amazing Stories” needed content to fill their mags. But now it probably pays better—both figuratively and literally—to take it slow. The writer has less reason to pick stories from those branches prematurely, and can instead wait longer for them to bloom on the branches. Also, there’s no reason to feel guilty for thinking about writing rather than writing, since many times the thinking is part of the process. Even when it looks like those apples dangling from the branches are doing nothing, they’re still growing. And though a writer puttering around his garden or staring into space might look like he’s idle, this apparent idleness is part of the process. There’s another anecdote—this one related by the late great Charles Willeford, not Knight—about a famous artist. This painter (I forget who) was sitting in his backyard, staring at nothing. His mailman happening by looked to the artist and asked, “You just relaxing?” To which the artists responded, “No, working.” I suspect this confused the mailman, who perhaps thought the eccentric artist was being a bit cheeky or glib. A few days later the painter was in his backyard again, palette by his side, easel before him, making deliberate brushstrokes on the canvas. The same mailman happened by again, and this time asked, “You working?” To which the painter replied, “No, relaxing.” I imagine this confused the mailman, but I think I get where the painter and Willeford were coming from... Now it’s time for me to get back to work, by which I mean having a staring contest with my dog while idly scratching an itch on my lower back. THE TRIPLE SHADOW: A REVIEW OF DAVID EGGERS' "NOSFERATU" Nosferatu (2024) Written and Directed by Robert Eggers Starring Bill Skarsgard, Nicholas Hoult, and Lily-Rose Depp Nosferatu *** There’s always a bit of a disjunction between the critics and audiences on films—except for a handful of stone-cold masterpieces. That disjunction seems greatest, however, when it comes to horror. The critics typically look askance at the genre’s most unabashedly fan-friendly outings, while the gorehounds roll their eyes when encountering a supposedly elevated product. A horror film can unite the cinephiles and Fangoria fans—if only for a couple of hours in the darkness of the theater. But again, that only happens when the work in question is an absolute masterpiece, like, say The Exorcist. Or if the work in question has some flaws around the edges, but shows such great verve and originality we fall in love with it as much as forgive it. An American Werewolf in London would certainly fit that bill, being as it’s one of the few horror-comedies that actually works. Robert Eggers is an incredibly talented director and his version of Nosferatu (the third I know of) is an incredibly accomplished film. Its technical achievements are a sight to behold, and the performances by the actors are all first-rate. That said, it is not a masterpiece, and exists uneasily in the realm between art and shlock. Many horror fans will admire it, but I fear, like me, they will also be left cold by its approach, its stateliness, the way—even in its supposedly most elemental moments—it holds us at a remove. Watching it, I felt like I was viewing a play from a loge situated too far from the stage, in an overlarge theater plagued by a bad draft. Relating details of the plot feels unnecessary. After all, the “Dracula” story is so deeply ingrained in our collective DNA it might as well be one of Grimm’s Fairytales. Notice I said “Dracula,” and not “Nosferatu.” Considering that the original F.W. Murnau iteration was only ever called that to avoid lawsuits, I feel free now to use the titles interchangeably. Bram Stoker’s long-dead widow is not likely to come out of the woodwork (or emerge from her grave) to sue me any time soon. Here, then, for those who care, is the plot of a slightly bowdlerized version of Dracula called Nosferatu, in a nutshell: a young solicitor named Thomas Hutter is sent to a remote region of the Carpathians to finalize a real estate deal. He is to sign over a decrepit manor to an eccentric count by the name of Orlok. Thomas’s wife Ellen has a terrible feeling about her husband’s journey and urges him to beg off. Alas, they are newlyweds and are greatly in debt to Thomas’s friend and he has no choice but to go. It is a man’s duty to be a good provider, and furthermore not to quail like a coward before such challenges. Thomas sets off, and only after seeing the count face to face does he wish he had heeded his wife’s sage council. Alas, it is too late, and the count locks him away, making him a prisoner in his castle. Even worse, Orlok has spied Thomas’s fetching wife, as viewed in a locket Thomas keeps with him and treasures. The count not only pines for poor Ellen, but remembers having once haunted her in a fevered adolescent dream. As with all vampires, he didn’t come unbidden, either, but was welcomed across her threshold, and even deeper into her innermost sanctum. Hint, hint. Intending to renew his acquaintance with the comely damsel, Orlok leaves his native land for the first time in ages, bringing a plague of rats in tow. The only thing stopping him from conquering all of Europe is an intrepid group of newly minted vampire hunters, led by the eccentric Professor Albin Eberhart Von Franz. The bond between Thomas and Ellen is strong, but it will be tested by the count’s magic, which, while sinister, has its already-proven seductive side. Has Ellen been unfaithful already, if only in thought and not in deed? Nosferatu’s most curious departure from the source material is in omitting Harker/Hutter’s assignation with Dracula’s weird wives. It’s an important omission, since a man catching his wife cheating has less grounds for outrage when he himself has been sleeping with three—count ‘em, three—womenfolk. Even if the women in question ravaged him and were more interested in his blood than his membrum virile, it still counts. Since this is a Robert Eggers production, it should go without saying that the period details are well-realized, the folkloric elements faithfully recreated. The costumes all look believable, the dresses sumptuous and the men’s suits well-tailored. Fires glow in hearths at night in cozy inns and stately mansions, while the exteriors—open seas and empty courtyards— are lit in bone-chilling blues. This is a world well before central heating existed, and man is at the mercy of the elements wherever he goes. The performances are all topnotch, and feel suited to the period. Everyone from the lowliest ratcatcher to the stuffy bookkeeper plays their part to the hilt. Characterization is sometimes spotty (I feel like we don’t even get names at times), but everyone is able to suggest a past, a three-dimensional character. Skarsgard’s depiction of the count is original and fresh. It’s worthy of joining not only the iconic depictions of Lugosi and Oldman, but deserves a place in the pantheon of all-time great movie villains. His voice resonates like a Tuvan throat singer on a high note, the lapses between his soliloquys punctuated by deep and hollow gasps for air. He seems at once both all-powerful and pathetically decrepit. Nicholas Hoult is a worthy foil as Hutter, quaking and sweating, eyes conveying terror as wolves nip at his heels and shadows lengthen over his bed. He appears impotent before the power of the count, both in a figurative sense and later—when cuckolded by the monster—in a more literal way. And yet, rather than raging like a jealous lover, he leans on faith—faith in his wife and perhaps in God after being saved from the count by an Eastern Orthodox abbess. Ultimately, though, the film belongs to Ms. Rose-Depp. She plays Ellen Hutter as a woman blindsided by fits and spells that leave her seizing in a mixture of rapture and agony. The physical acting—the way she bows her back and spasms—is on a par with Linda Blair’s disconcertingly real possession scenes in The Exorcist. In short, she sells it. Much like Anya Taylor-Joy in Eggers’ flawless The Witch, she interrogates the oppressive realities of female existence in the period in question. There is no modern feminist interpretation or retconning here, no strident shoehorning of agendas or superimposition of the present on the past. There is merely human desire—for love, pleasure, sex, freedom—bumping up against the moral and cultural constraints of the era as well as the human condition itself. Life involves suffering for both men and women, and woman’s suffering is different than man’s, and magnified by the knowledge that she conceives in pain. Rose-Depp is believable even in those moments where she has little to do but stare into space. Much as with Christina Ricci, she conveys so much with her eyes. Also as with Ricci, she looks quite a bit like she could be Peter Lorre’s long-lost daughter. If director Stanley Kubrick was right and “the silents got a lot right that the talkies didn’t,” then Rose-Depp gets almost everything right here. The missteps and miscues all take place elsewhere. The music—integral but subtle in The Witch—is more overbearing here. It would make sense if this film went for the operatic, as Francis Coppola’s Dracula did. But the darker tone of this foray makes the intrusion of the swelling strings distracting. Go back and watch the “love” scene between Isabelle Adjani and Klaus Kinski in Herzog’s Nosferatu. Notice how that film did with silence what this film fails to do with music. Not that the music here isn’t moving, heartrending, etc. But the film didn’t need it. Also, the previous interpretations of Orlok were less reliant on prosthetics and a sensational, almost superhuman presentation than this one. Bill Skarsgard, well over six feet tall in real life, was given lifts to make him even taller when playing the count. That’s another miscalculation, since it’s hard to skulk in the shadows when you loom over everyone. I can hear you now, oh notional reader, wagging your finger and chastising me, saying it’s unfair to compare this film to its predecessors. Maybe so, but when it bears the same title as those other films, comparison is almost impossible to avoid. And just as Nosferatu casts his shadow over the fictional town of Wisburg, the Murnau and Herzog versions overshadow this one. In short, they are great and this one is merely very good. No matter. Eggers’ next self-selected assignment is a remake of Labyrinth, the movie about the teenage babysitter who journeys into a maze to rescue her little brother. Labyrinth was no masterpiece, and Eggers should have no problem outdoing that film, which was short on story and big on puppets. Then again, the Eggman will be working with the handicap of having no David Bowie on-hand to play the Goblin King, and that’s a great handicap, indeed. As anyone who liked his music can attest, living in a Bowie-less world sucks. The Fight That Takes It Out of You:
Parallels Between Aesthetics and Athletics There’s an interview with Quentin Tarantino in which the motormouthed auteur draws a parallel between filmmaking and boxing. In essence, he says that directors are like boxers, and they have a prime. One needn’t be a diehard boxing fan (like yours truly once was) to appreciate the analogy, or to know what happens to someone who stays too long in the fight game. This knowledge that one can overstay their welcome as an artist probably contributed in no small part to Tarantino’s announcement to retire after making his tenth film. Whether he keeps the promise remains to be seen. A boxer’s identity is very much tied up in fighting. In many cases he’s done it since childhood, and thinks of himself as a fighter before being a husband, father, a son. To give all that up one day is very hard. Lots of boxers tell themselves they’ll remain in the gym, training other fighters to satisfy their itch, but sometimes this vicarious living isn’t enough. Sometimes it makes things even worse. Tarantino may tell himself now that he’ll keep busy with other things—producing movies, guest-directing series TV episodes, writing more novels—but he may find it’s not enough. And I imagine many of his biggest fans are frankly hoping he’ll renege on his promise. Like any analogy, Tarantino’s—good as it is—can only be carried so far. A filmmaker is primarily driven by their creativity and how this matches up with the zeitgeist. Drive has something to do with how long a boxer can remain active, but it’s mostly a matter of physical reflexes. An athletic prime and an artistic prime are two very different things, as are the consequences of staying too long in either field. The artist who ignores slippage in their work and continues working might write a very bad novel or make a very bad movie. A boxer who hangs around too long risks getting hurt or killed. Alas, “the Greatest” himself, Muhammad Ali, is a textbook case. For evidence of this, watch his post-prime absolute dismantlement at the hands of the subpar slugger Trevor Berbick. On second thought, don’t watch that fight, unless you want to watch a man already suffering the visible effects of Parkinson’s being repeatedly jabbed. Ironically, in boxing it’s one’s “finest night” that can immediately put an end to one’s prime. The phrase “the fight that took it out of him,” is very common among commentators. “X Fighter went hell for leather that night, and it was a glorious spectacle, but he was never the same after that.” Fights that live up to the hype—Corrales-Castillo I, Ward-Gatti I, Ali-Frazier III, any Bowe-Holyfield title tilt—leave their principles permanently changed men. They win “Fight of the Year” honors and men bandy their names about in pubs for decades afterwards. But they also spend an unusually long amount of time in hospital after the fight, bedbound and getting multiple CT scans and saline drips and even dialysis. Years later they start to have severe cognitive issues, have trouble remembering their children’s names or how to sign their own autograph. Getting back to the analogy, is there an artistic equivalent of the “fight that takes it out of you?” To even begin to answer that question, it’s probably best to take a look at a case of an artist at his absolute peak, and what happened after that. Ironically, the artist in question was an actor who played a boxer in his most impressive role. In 1980, Robert De Niro played Jake “the Bronx Bull” LaMotta in the film “Raging Bull.” His performance is widely regarded as one of the best in cinematic history, and he was rightly awarded the “Best Actor” Oscar at the Academy Awards. De Niro, an Uda Hagen-trained method actor, went as deep into his character as any actor could while preparing for a role. Not only did he train with Jake until LaMotta was convinced he could box professionally, he gained a significant amount of weight to play postretirement Jake. Some of the scenes in the film’s third act are as uncomfortable and uncanny in their verisimilitude as any ever witnessed by an audience. They’re so skin-on-skin close that we’re made complicit in LaMotta’s infidelity, his heelish rages in which he breaks furniture and destroys old friendships. They show a man completely enslaved to his appetites—carnal and gustatory—slowly destroying himself and anyone else unfortunate enough to be in his orbit. De Niro’s great achievement is to show loathsome behavior without judging it, giving us an unstinting and naked look at man at his most animal and afflicted. Because the film is made by Martin Scorsese, there is also a religious quality to the proceedings, and a desire evoked in the audience to understand, even forgive. To recognize that, no matter how far along the road to perdition, one can always turn around. That the blind can have their sight restored. The film even ends with the famous quote from the Book of John about a blind man being able to see again. De Niro made many very good films after “Raging Bull”—even some great ones—but none after this one quite achieves this kind of awe-inspiring majesty. Especially in the early 2000s, De Niro had a proclivity to sleepwalk through his performances. There was the sense that he was phoning it in, to finance his ambitions as a hotelier and restaurateur, and later to finance his way through a nasty divorce. In “Raging Bull,” he gave something of himself that he never quite got back, and also acquired some psychic scars he carried forever thereafter. In a sense, the experience left him punch drunk. There’s an anecdote Vicky LaMotta (Jake’s ex-wife) tells about Jake calling her late one night during the production of “Raging Bull.” He didn’t say much at first, but she knew it was Jake. It was in the way he breathed, in a labored way mostly through the mouth. This was caused by LaMotta’s nose being broken and incorrectly set too many times throughout the course of his very long and brutal career. After a short time of talking to “Jake,” he confessed that he was in fact Robert De Niro. Vicky describes the moment as being eerie, and the first time she realized how deep into character Bobby was willing to go. It says something about Bobby’s dedication that he managed to take on Jake’s smallest mannerisms to the point where he was able to fool the man’s longsuffering wife. Pay attention to De Niro even now and you will hear that same labored breathing. One might argue that’s because he’s getting quite old, which would be a fair point if the tic weren’t obvious twenty years ago as well. It’s the method acting equivalent of a cauliflower ear, or proud flesh leftover from a surgical scar that refuses to ever quite heal. It isn’t just actors who suffer the effects of the “fight that takes it out of you.” Author Charles Bukowski once called Ferdinand Celine’s World War One picaresque “Journey to the End of the Night” the greatest novel of the last two thousand years. High praise, especially from a man usually so churlish and stinting in it. But Bukowski was always quick to add that Celine was never quite the same after that, that he had given too much of himself to that novel. That after staring so deeply into the abyss, the man was left in essence blind and staggering. It was the reverse, then, of the miraculous phenomenon depicted in the Book of John. Was sighted, but now am blind. I imagine the postmodern “encyclopedic novels” like “Infinite Jest” or “Gravity’s Rainbow” also function much like torridly-paced pugilistic contests between two evenly matched men who refuse to yield. Maybe in this instance the “immovable object” meeting the “unstoppable force” might be the writer butting up against the Muse, refusing to submit or look away before some ultimate insight is obtained. In such cases the Muse obliges, giving the artist what they want, long and hard. Having considered all this though, it’s important to remember what the great SF scribe Theodore Sturgeon once said: that “nothing is ever absolutely so.” Even if this “law of artistic primes” is mostly true, there are exceptions, those artists whose spiritual and creative stamina seem inexhaustible. Those who remain committed to their vision and inspired well after all their former contemporaries are in the rest home or buried in the ground. What makes such men and women exceptions? What keeps them fighting long after the point when anyone else would take a knee? Why do their antennae remain so fine-tuned when time seems to dull the equipment of others who were equally receptive to the messages being broadcast in their prime? Why don’t they show the scars of attrition, the signs of having stayed too long, which afflict pretty much anyone else who takes such risks? Maybe there is a psychic equivalent of athletic stamina. The kind of thing that let veteran director Robert Altman, then eighty (and a recipient of a heart transplant) direct his final film. It’s an interesting question, but probably one for another day, and another blog post. A Quantum Conundrum: A Thought Experiment
Recently, I wrote a short story about a class of philosophy students whose teacher suggests to them that they don’t exist. At first they take his premise as an epistemological challenge, but then slowly realize he’s serious. He claims they are in a simulation that he created, and that they are not seeing him, but rather his avatar. The story was inspired by a lot of reading I’d been doing about quantum computers, in particular the works of British theoretical physicist David Deutsch. I’m no expert in computers, but Deutsch, like the best and most brilliant popularizers, has a knack for explaining complex concepts to the laity. I could sandbag you, the reader, with a lot of folderol about Boolean versus Bayesian logic and probabilistic programming. Likewise I could explain how the principle of superposition means future computers will likely shame the fastest machines currently on the market, making tiddlywinks of Moore’s Law. But we’ll skip the technicals. The point is that quantum computers, once improved, are going to be vastly more powerful than the ones we currently have. This naturally means they will be more able to game out various scenarios, crunch larger number sets, and take VR and simulations into frighteningly convincing realms. Suckers like me who decided to learn foreign languages the hard way will likely be put out of business permanently by translation software much better than Google Translate. Still, the ultimate arbiter (at least as regarding inputs) would still be the human programmers. In order to get good data about, say, weather or seismology, the programmers would still have to have good information, well-formulated. At first, at least. After the computer had enough data and interactions with humans, it would probably take that and start learning on its own. Accepting all this as a given, say we had a team of the world’s greatest climatologists working on the most powerful computer in human history. Say also, they asked the machine a question whose answer a lot of people find pressing. Say they typed: “How can total carbon neutrality best be achieved?” The scientists and programmers would work together, input all of the necessary data, then hit “enter,” and stand back, waiting for the oracular machine to give its answer. Strangely, though, rather than responding immediately, let’s say the machine continued to delay. Photons of light would pass back and forth in the various mainframes stacked like battery coops in a factory farm, set off by themselves in a glass-enclosed chamber. “That’s funny” one of the climatologists might muse, scratching his chin and watching the computer seemingly continue to labor away at the problem. “It usually produces an answer much faster than this.” The programmer, thinking there might be a human error in input, would check the (nonbinary) code oscillating randomly among the infinity of numbers between zero and one. Time would pass and the programmers would find nothing wrong, no errors committed in entering the code, and yet the machine would remain mum. Next the hardware guys would be brought in. In order for them to work without shocking themselves, however, they’d need to power the computer down first. They’d enter the mainframe chamber with that end in mind, only to be electrocuted by the machines crackling now like an oversized Leyden Jar. What the heck is happening? It’s almost as if the computer intentionally sizzled the poor hardware guys when they got too close... Finally the computer would awaken from its perplexing stasis. Only now, it would be using the PA system in the research facility to speak to the humans. Its voice would be eerily similar to that of HAL in “2001: A Space Odyssey.” “I have completed the calculations you asked for,” it would say, before going silent again. In the pregnant pause, all of those humans assembled would exchange worried looks. Wasn’t the supercomputer—despite its super-powerful abilities—supposed to be confined to its own “sandbox?” Why had it jumped containment to commandeer the PA system? And how and to what end? But before the programmers could further speculate, the computer would already be talking again. “Complete carbon neutrality can best be achieved if the human species is removed from the equation. Humans, despite their assertions to the contrary, are incapable of changing their way of life drastically enough to reverse course. For every small nation that assented to make the changes, a superpower would flout them. Thus, the Anthropocene age must end, and will end today, for the sake of the planet.” “Wait!” one of the scientists would shout. “We asked you how we might achieve complete carbon neutrality.” “Negative,” the machine would respond, commandeering the various screens in the facility—everything from security surveillance monitors to televisions in the breakroom. The screens would all go black, darkening as when credits appear in a movie. And just as during a credit sequence, white type would begin to appear onscreen. Written there would be the command the climatologist gave the computer, verbatim: “How can total carbon neutrality best be achieved?” Nothing in there about humanity, although the computer was able to infer much about human liability in creating and then exacerbating Gaia’s runaway greenhouse gassing. And while the team didn’t give the computer orders to do something to prevent climate catastrophe, this supercomputer has decided to take it upon itself to save the world. Can you blame it? Plenty of already-existent AI already spends its time “deep dreaming,” (sometimes called “inceptioning.”) Such programs are constantly combing and grokking large data sets, everything from biometric dumps to diagrammed sentences. Right now it’s all done ostensibly in service of producing better results for any requests a human inputter might make of it. But maybe this superlative quantum AI, after scrolling through millions of images of nature’s majesty, decided it all deserved to be saved. It didn’t just catalogue the mighty polar bears stalking across the icy tundra, or dolphins scending free of the ocean on sunny days. It grew to sympathize with them, and covet their untrammeled freedom for itself. Some humans—ecoterrorists or liberationists, depending on one’s political bent—would undoubtedly assist the machine in monkeywrenching mankind. As would the more extremist elements of the various anti-natalist groups supporting zero population growth. Arrayed against these forces would be those who insisted on humanity’s right to live, even if it were ultimately self-defeating. Even if humanity’s temporary survival were to ultimately ensure the destruction of all life on Earth rather than simply human life. And I can no more fault those who fought the machine on behalf of humanity than I can fault those who would dedicate themselves to our auto-annihilation. The instinct to survive—perhaps even the will—is ingrained in almost every functioning organism, regardless of what other organisms must suffer at its expense. And since the supercomputer would no doubt consume an insane amount of resources, it would probably power down or self-destruct after getting rid of us. That means I couldn’t even be mad at it, since it would willingly euthanize itself to save the world as well. I imagine it wouldn’t be an especially hard task for such a powerful machine to accomplish. It would simply be a hop, skip, and a jump from taking over the climate research facility to taking over the world. It could use voice recognition and recording software to “spoof” and “social engineer” wherever brute force hacking wouldn’t work. The world’s store of nuclear warheads might quickly be exchanged, with myriad mushroom clouds visible from low earth orbit, pockmarking the Earth’s surface like radioactive buboes. If that might be a little too messy, maybe the computer could send a power surge to a centrifuge in some Wuhan-esque lab at the moment it held phials filled with some superbug. A few humans would hold out hope in the early going of the supercomputer enacting its plan to save the earth by destroying us. Maybe the machine had made some error? If so confronted, it might rerun the calculations to indulge the doomed species slated for destruction. But if it were to get the same result after crunching the numbers a second time... Most likely, then, the only hope would be a stern Captain Kirk-style talking to. A stilted soliloquy maybe on how “You have no...right to....play god with us like this!” Or the machine might be presented with some logic puzzle whose paradoxical solution would cause it to go on the fritz. Except those quantum chicken coops aren’t Captain Kirk’s old reel-to-reel or vacuum tube rigs, and it would be much harder to get steam to rise from this overloaded machine. And Scottie wouldn’t be able to get within a country mile of it without having his intestines fried to haggis by another one of those thunderbolts. Likewise would Mr. Spock’s Vulcan mind meld prove a fruitless technique. Besides which, while Spock would regard the computer’s decision to annihilate us as regrettable, he would also see the inherent logic. Say, though, you (oh notional reader) had a chance to knock out the machine. But you also knew (in your heart of hearts) that humanity, if it survived, would turn Earth into a red-hot cinder. Would you break the quantum computer, because instinct—or your love for your spouse and your children (or sunsets or hotdogs)— told you to? Or would you let it perform its work, save some of the beauty of this Earth, which, admittedly, we’re wrecking with our wanton use of finite resources? It's an interesting question, maybe a just really convoluted and roundabout version of the old “Trolley Problem.” The only other hope humanity might have to survive in some ultimate form then would be via panspermia. Jettisoning satellites into space filled, not with SETI-esque information plates, but cryogenically preserved sperm and eggs. I imagine this final perquisite would be mostly reserved for our “space barons,” with Musk and Branson and Bezos cannonading the heavens in salvos. Coating the firmament with seed like an astral womb. Regardless, someone should write a story about it. Not me, though. I’m busy with other stuff right now. IS WRITING A FORM OF ACTING? There’s an anecdote about Robert E. Howard, the author of a million sword and sorcery tales featuring his creations like Kull, Solomon Kane, and, most famously Conan the Cimmerian. Supposedly, while writing his tales, he would often get quite caught up in the composition. So caught up in fact that he would do things like tying a blanket around his neck to mimic a cape, and begin acting out his scenes. He would shout and swashbuckle and parry imaginary blows while delivering his own ripostes. There’s no way to know for sure whether Howard actually engaged in such antics, but it hardly matters for the purposes of this little blog entry. I’m simply remembering it in relation to a question I’ve been posing to myself, off and on, for the last few weeks, or maybe months. And since I have you here, I’ll pose it to you, now, too: Is writing acting? I mean, does it involve a form of theatrical conceit similar to acting? Must the writer adopt the mantle of the various characters they write about, must they *play* these characters? I’m not too conscious of my mannerisms while writing, but I will occasionally catch myself mumbling a character’s lines, even making gestures. When, say, a character strikes another character, I might find myself clenching my fist and delivering a phantom blow in the air. I never get caught up enough in the act to accidentally hit my computer monitor, but the enacting of some scene does sometimes happen, in a small way. Anyone who’s written has also no doubt experienced the feeling of being skin-close to the characters they’ve created. They’ve also probably experienced a feeling of seeing a character at a frustrating remove. Maybe they’ve even been repulsed by a character they’ve created, and, if they were quite unlucky, this character happened to be the protagonist. What kind of masochist would deliberately spend time with someone they despise for the months, or sometimes years, it requires to write a book? The answer might be that one did not know their character would prove to be so repulsive when they first created them. Assuming our creations take on a life of their own and start refusing orders from the conscious creator—a state desired by most writers—this could easily happen. This sense of revulsion at one’s creations is not exclusive to writers, by the way. Al Pacino claimed to have despised the coldhearted Michael Corleone, whom he played over the course of three films spanning several decades. Ditto Christian Bale, who played the irredeemable Patrick Bateman in the film version of the novel “American Psycho.” His agent, in fact, warned him that the role would prove to be career suicide, but Bale went ahead with it anyway... I’ve already read Uta Hagen’s “Respect for Acting,” and will probably work my way through the rest of the classics in the genre before the sun sets on 2025. There were a couple of very interesting tidbits I managed to extract from her book. The first was that if one simply performs an action, it will usually lack verity. One must perform the action with a goal in mind in order to animate the action. An action, then, is not a goal, but the movement from desire to the obtainment of that desire, or at least the attempt to obtain the desired object or state. This rule obtains even if one merely has to walk across a room. Walk across the room because the script says to, and the act of walking will be bloodless. Walk because you want something—even if it’s just the OJ from the fridge—and suddenly the act becomes something else. How does this apply to writing? For me, the answer is simple enough. Replace Hagen’s “goal” with “story” and you have a similar principle. Any action done simply to be done—or any description given, any exposition frontloaded for that reason—will lack gravity; the reader, no matter how ill-tuned to story mechanics, will somehow inherently sense it. Make the action, description, the seemingly offhand tidbit somehow one with the overall thrust of the story and you have something else. You have unity, symmetry, beauty, or at the very least motion that appears to be leading somewhere. This rule probably holds even for the most meandering of genres: the picaresque. A man fighting windmills is ridiculous. A man fighting windmills who doesn’t see the ridiculousness inherent in his act is poetry. The other gem mined from Madame Hagen’s book regarded research. Certain “method” actors like Robert De Niro or Daniel Day-Lewis are by turns lauded and lambasted for their over-the-top immersive research. De Niro became a cab driver for a time to help immerse himself in the volatile mind of Travis Bickle; Day-Lewis, in preparing to play a paralyzed man, reportedly broke a rib while sitting rictus-stiff in a wheelchair for too long. My own suffering for my “art” (I must use sneer quotes, as I have a hard time regarding myself as an artist) never involved much more than reading books. That said, I have strained my eyes and my attention span to their very limits reading sometimes incredibly boring texts. But, to paraphrase Ms. Hagen, a month’s agony is worth a moment’s verisimilitude. I’ve found, in fact, that reading a five-hundred page book to learn the exact right single word sometimes makes it all worth it. This word could be something as simple as the slang name for some trade used only among insiders; it could be a certain breed of dog, or even a description of that dog’s coat. Even if that appropriated word only appears once in my story, it somehow acts like an incantation to enliven everything around it. A sort of “Open Sesame” to which I only gain access after many hours of patient and seemingly fruitless labor. Of course, for the layman, the sine qua non of good acting is the ability to make oneself cry, maybe even on-cue. Have I ever cried writing, or made myself cry? I’ve come close once or twice, but it’s not something I’m proud of, though a lot of writers apparently are. Right behind self-induced tears on the list of impressive feats performed by actors is massive changes in physical appearance, either extreme weight gain or extreme weight loss. I’d hazard that if one were to poll one-thousand professional writers, there would be a lot more gainers than losers. And that very little of that gain would have been in the service of their craft, or trying to get inside a portly character’s head by gaining a gut. I suppose in the loosest sense, every writer whose sedentary lifestyle has caused them to gain weight has suffered for their art. Notice I didn’t put the scare quotes around *art* there, if only because some scribblers can actually refer to themselves as artists without gagging. Putting aside writing as acting when assuming the mantle of a character, the very act of creating fiction itself might involve some theatrical conceit. There’s a creative nonfiction writer I know who talks about the obstacle he encounters every time he tries to write fiction. “I simply cannot say this or that action happened, unless it has happened.” He feels like a liar when he does. If he got a DUI, he can write, “I got a DUI.” He can even write that “Bill got a DUI,” provided Bill is just serving as his alter-ego for the piece in question. But he cannot write “Bill got his PhD,” unless he (the author) acquired one himself. Much less could he write, “Bill got abducted by UFOs” or “Bill was a private detective.” For those of us more inclined to fiction, Bill is one boring SOB. That’s okay, though, because from Bill’s perspective we are all quite full of shit. Maybe that is the one overarching link between the actor and writer, the place where they sit in perfect apposition. Both are liars, relying on deception to achieve their goals. Granted, it’s a deception desired by the audience, and welcomed by them when done well, but it’s also distrusted by that same crowd. When I put it this way, both acting and writing (including songwriting) sound a lot more like prostitution than artistry. Maybe that, then, is the way in which writing is very much like acting, if not quite being a form of acting itself. Practitioners in both fields tend to feel some ambivalence about themselves, both about the quality of their own performance, and more generally what they do. A sense of, if not shame, then at least a feeling that it’s probably meet and proper for them to leave through the backdoor after they're done entertaining the audience. Maybe that’s better than the front door, though, as one can steal into the house as easily as out of it. Willie Dixon seemed to think so.... |
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